Inspector Columbo

The Detective Don

I am a blood hound case solving star lord. Kiss my raincoat and inhale deeply on my cardboard cigar stubs. Repentance is futile. Columbo Season 4090 Chapter 56

Dear Inspector.

I have written a fairly inane post about an unpleasant business lunch I waded through when I was a high flying sales rep with a tan.

Your task is to work out which text is the one I stabbed together on a tiny mobile device in a well known fast food feeding house. 

Ignore punctuation. We only use that when those anal obsessive grammar sentinels are on the prowl. I am working on a very naughty scheme to eradicate those apostropexclacolonpartheneticallyoscuss drones in the coming epoch. But I digress.

So is it Colonel Mustard. He is a new generation ChatGPT prompt designed to hunt and destroy any AI sounding content. He also checks for duplicates. He is programmed to sound human.

Or is it Mrs. Peacock in the dining room with a keen eye for SEO and tasty key words. She also knows how to rewrite a copy. She is a natural.

Paragraph One

When attending a business lunch, it is imperative to bring your most sophisticated wallet in case of a fiscal emergency. Your colleagues, clients, or partners can suddenly turn into modern-day Scrooges at the end of the meal and expect you to pay for everything. They might try to console you with empty promises, claiming that your employer will reimburse you in the near future. They might even suggest that it’s just a simple matter of filling out some forms at the end of the month, and everything will be fine. However, if you’re not careful, your bank may end up repossessing your home or sending debt collectors to hound you for repayment.

Paragraph One Style Two

When you go for a business lunch always remember to pack your fancy wallet in case of fiscal emergency. Clients, partners and colleagues can suddenly morph into a modern day  Ebeneezer Scrooge at the end of the feast and expect you to foot the bill. They will comfort you with platitudes and assure you that your employer will recompense your hospitality in the near future. It is just a simple matter of completing the expense forms at the end of the month and your bank will not repossess your house or send the boys over for a little  chat regarding your future credit score. 

Paragraph One Ditto

When you go for a business lunch always remember to pack your fancy wallet in case of fiscal emergency. Clients, partners and colleagues can suddenly morph into a modern day  Ebeneezer Scrooge at the end of the feast and expect you to foot the bill. They will comfort you with platitudes and assure you that your employer will recompense your hospitality in the near future. It is just a simple matter of completing the expense forms at the end of the month and your bank will not repossess your house or send the boys over for a little  chat regarding your future credit score. 

Paragraph Two

If you believe that this is simply a figment of my imagination, allow me to recount my experience in Florida in 2010. Twenty associates for a lavish meal in an elegant restaurant by the ocean. I didn’t know that I was the one footing the bill that night. I was naive, and that, combined with the successful business agreement struck earlier that day, had elevated my spirits to some extent: a few mildly intoxicating beverages flowing through my nervous system and a warm Zephyr wind blowing up the coast were the final ingredients of what could only be described as a pleasant cocktail for the senses.

Para Two Two

If you think this scenario is just a product of my imagination, let me tell you about my experience in Florida back in 2010. I was out with twenty business associates for a fancy dinner at a classy restaurant overlooking the ocean. Little did I know, I was the designated patsy for the evening. My naivety, combined with the success of a business deal earlier in the day, had lifted my spirits to a mildly intoxicating level. The warm breeze blowing up the coast only added to the pleasant atmosphere.

Para Two Two Two

If you think this is simply a flight of fancy on my part I can simply recount my experience in Florida in 2010. Twenty business associates for a slap up meal in a classy restaurant by the ocean. I didn’t know I was Patsy that night. I was naive and this combined with the successful business agreement struck earlier that day had elevated my spirits to some extent: a few mildly intoxicating beverages flowing through my nervous system and a warm Zephyr wind blowing up the coast were the final ingredients of what  can only be described as a pleasant cocktail for the  senses. 

Chunk Three

It happened so quickly I thought I was back in a nightclub in London when the lights suddenly come on at 5 am and the bouncers tell you to get the fuck out before the practice their chiropractic skills on your skeletal framework. 

I was handed the bill by the head waiter who waited patiently for my Gold Or Diamond or Platinum card. I remember thinking that the card is a actually superfluous as it is only the magnetic strip or chip that stores the data but even though that reduction in production costs could save banks and consumers vast amounts of money and reduce the amount of plastic ingested by aquatic organisms I don’t think my argument would have held up against the four figure bill and a restaurant staff of 19 burly fellows surviving on the tipping system for the next paycheck. Why is that STILL a thing?? Shame on the gastronomy officials. SORT that out. 

Just as I started to feel like  one of Charlie Sheen’s dopamine clusters at 5 am when they don’t hear that pipe bubbling no more I suddenly remembered I had packed my Golden  Wallet. I had never used it  and had filed it away along with all the other bad purchases made in my youth. We have all succumbed to the smooth tongued salesman and lady at some stage. We either know at the time of purchase or some time later that it was a waste of money but I have come to see it as an act of goodwill on your part. The money paid may seem extortionate in hindsight but remember that it will eventually flow through the perfidious agent and meander slowly downstream like a twig on a summer stream where it finally wash up under a willow tree and be used as a springboard for amorous dragonflies in the spring sunshine.

Chunk Three Again

It happened so quickly I thought I was back in a nightclub in London when the lights suddenly come on at 5 am and the bouncers tell you to get the fuck out before the practice their chiropractic skills on your skeletal framework. 

I was handed the bill by the head waiter who waited patiently for my Gold Or Diamond or Platinum card. I remember thinking that the card is a actually superfluous as it is only the magnetic strip or chip that stores the data but even though that reduction in production costs could save banks and consumers vast amounts of money and reduce the amount of plastic ingested by aquatic organisms I don’t think my argument would have held up against the four figure bill and a restaurant staff of 19 burly fellows surviving on the tipping system for the next paycheck. Why is that STILL a thing?? Shame on the gastronomy officials. SORT that out. 

Just as I started to feel like  one of Charlie Sheen’s dopamine clusters at 5 am when they didn’t hear that pipe bubbling no more I suddenly remembered I had packed my Golden  Wallet. I had never used it  and had filed it away along with all the other bad purchases made in my youth. We have all succumbed to the smooth tongued salesman and lady at some stage. We either know at the time of purchase or some time later that it was a waste of money but I have come to see it as an act of goodwill on your part. The money paid may seem extortionate in hindsight but remember that it will eventually flow through the perfidious agent and meander slowly downstream like a twig on a summer stream where it finally wash up under a willow tree and be used as a springboard for amorous dragonflies in the spring sunshine.

Chunk Three Author Three

It happened so quickly I thought I was back in a nightclub in London when the lights suddenly come on at 5 am and the bouncers tell you to get the fuck out before the practice their chiropractic skills on your skeletal framework. 

I was handed the bill by the head waiter who waited patiently for my Gold Or Diamond or Platinum card. I remember thinking that the card is a actually superfluous as it is only the magnetic strip or chip that stores the data but even though that reduction in production costs could save banks and consumers vast amounts of money and reduce the amount of plastic ingested by aquatic organisms I don’t think my argument would have held up against the four figure bill and a restaurant staff of 19 burly fellows surviving on the tipping system for the next paycheck. Why is that STILL a thing?? Shame on the gastronomy officials. SORT that out. 

Just as I started to feel like  one of Charlie Sheen’s dopamine clusters at 5 am when they didn’t hear that pipe bubbling no more I suddenly remembered I had packed my Golden  Wallet. I had never used it  and had filed it away along with all the other bad purchases made in my youth. We have all succumbed to the smooth tongued salesman and lady at some stage. We either know at the time of purchase or some time later that it was a waste of money but I have come to see it as an act of goodwill on your part. The money paid may seem extortionate in hindsight but remember that it will eventually flow through the perfidious agent and meander slowly downstream like a twig on a summer stream where it finally wash up under a willow tree and be used as a springboard for amorous dragonflies in the spring sunshine.

Now Hold On….I Hear You Say!!! These are almost identical. What is the big idea…

YES. Inspector they are almost identical give or take a few flourishes of the pen.

But Inspector

A crime HAS been committed. The last two paragraphs were modified by the AI Authors.

Final Evidence Presented

This was a TRUE story and I always believe fact is funnier than fiction. This was no moral or suggestion of Hollywood Hills with a cheese covered finale. No mention of character building or life building tools. NO. It was just always be ready for anything. Real story.

So will the real Slim Shady please stand up..

My TRUE Ending

And so it came to pass. I presented the worthless card to the waiter and waited, which is a joke waiters hate most. They don’t like you saying you are waiting when they are waiting. It’s just a question of semantics and trays. Two minutes later he returned and asked me to accompany him as the card was not performing its duty.

Four swipes later I thought I was in the clear . Card defect is not my fault.  He looked unhappy. I returned to the business party and explained the problem.  After a couple of minutes of internal debate the head of sales came over to me with a pen and paper in hand. Relief washed over me. That is the true human spirit. Work together and we can solve any problem. 

He handed the paper over and said:

“The bank is about two miles on the coast road . Love to drive ya but you know we had a few glasses today.  You can walk it in  30 mins. Cashier is open till 6. Thanks Buddy!!. Oh and just so you know. Our business clients have just opened a new branch on the Belgian French border. They buy the plastic in Rotterdam straight off the boat.

 Life in plastic is fantastic.

Ending Number Two – CHEESE ALERT

And so, when the waiter informed me that the card was not performing its duty, I presented the worthless card to him, and he tried to swipe it four times with no success. I returned to the business party, feeling defeated, but the head of sales approached me with a pen and paper in hand. Relief washed over me. That’s the true human spirit – working together to solve any problem. He gave me directions to the bank, which was about two miles away on the coast road. Unfortunately, he was unable to drive me there because !!!!!

Feeling a bit deflated, I tucked the Golden Wallet back into my pocket and headed out the door, determined to retrieve the cash I needed to cover the extravagant meal. As I made my way along the coast road, the sun began to set in the distance, casting a warm orange glow over the beach and the nearby palm trees. It was a picturesque scene, but I was in no mood to appreciate it.

I arrived at the bank just in time, panting and sweating from my brisk walk. As I approached the cashier, I pulled out my credit card and prepared to withdraw a large sum of cash. But as I did, I suddenly remembered something the aged salesman had told me about the Golden Wallet

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxkKEHGMk4RPR6rsk-a0b_iCo_jrgCPI_v

“It has a hidden compartment,” he had said with a sly grin. “One that only opens in the most dire of circumstances. Keep it in mind.”

I hesitated for a moment, wondering if this qualified as a dire circumstance. But then I shrugged and decided to give it a try. I fished the wallet out of my pocket and searched for the hidden compartment. At first, I couldn’t find it. But then my fingers brushed against a small seam along the edge of the wallet, and I pressed down with all my might.

To my surprise, a small panel opened up, revealing a stack of crisp $100 bills inside. I gasped in amazement, hardly able to believe my luck. With a feeling of triumph, I withdrew the exact amount of cash I needed and headed back to the restaurant, eager to show off my newfound wealth to my business associates.

As I walked through the door, I was greeted with a round of applause and a few playful jeers. “Where did you find the money tree, mate?” one of them quipped.

I just grinned and held up the Golden Wallet, feeling like a hero. From that day on, I carried it with me everywhere, knowing that it would always be there in case of an emergency. And though I never had to use it again, it gave me a sense of security that I never knew I needed.

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxkKEHGMk4RPR6rsk-a0b_iCo_jrgCPI_v

_{As for the restaurant bill, I ended up paying it in full, but not without a stern talking-to for my colleagues about the importance of sharing expenses fairly. They may have laughed at me at first, but they soon came to realize the wisdom of my words. And as we finished our meal and headed back to our respective businesses, I felt a sense of camaraderie with my fellow workers that I hadn’t felt before.}

NO NO NO. They would not have listened and my wisdom was less than an embryonic Gandalf would have provided.

It just goes to show that sometimes, the most unexpected things can bring people together. And for me, that thing was a Golden Wallet with a hidden compartment.

Quad Le Copulation!

This was a total rewrite. Forget Poetic License! This was a taking the Gordan…

Another New Ending – POWER BUSINESS WORDS ALERT

I thanked him and took the paper, realizing that I was in for quite a walk. The wallet had saved me from a potentially awkward and expensive situation, but it had also highlighted the importance of being prepared for any unforeseen circumstances when attending a business lunch. NO IT DID NOT…

As I walked down the coast road, I couldn’t help but think about the strange series of events that had led me to this moment. The ups and downs of the day, the successful business deal, the pleasant cocktail of senses, and the sudden fiscal emergency. It was a rollercoaster ride of emotions and experiences, all within the span of a few hours.

AI went too far and blew a gasket with these redundant and action movie packed scene descriptions.

But even amidst the chaos, I had learned a valuable lesson about being prepared for the unexpected. It was a reminder that in business, as in life, one must always be ready to adapt and improvise in the face of unforeseen challenges.

WTF What an absolute text book answer. I am back in 1955.

ENOUGH…..

And while the experience was certainly a memorable one, it had also taught me an important lesson about the value of being prepared and adaptable in the fast-paced world of business. With the right mindset and tools, one can navigate even the most challenging of situations and come out on top.

COLUMBO. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

“Well it looks like an open and shut case. My wife has just the same problem when she drinks Champagne. She tends to forget the thread of her stories but always finishes up strong. The Old Testament is always a good way to end a conversation. She goes to sleep happy in the knowledge that her words have changed a life.”

To be continued…